Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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