if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You made out with two different species that night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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