Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
