There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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