woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
