shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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