My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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