Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
