I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize