This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
