Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
