At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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