Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
