Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
