lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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