I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
