My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
