you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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