There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
