Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
