hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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