no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
3pm strippers are depressing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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