there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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