come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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