Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize