Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
