Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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