i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
4 words: hood of his car
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
