the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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