i was born a porn star she said
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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