i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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