There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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