If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
too bad you live with your parents still
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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