This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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