You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
