I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
