Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have fence marks all over my body
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
