New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
