You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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