My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
