Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
