If i come over, it means nothing
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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