Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
