I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize