she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
