If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
