So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
