I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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