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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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