I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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