Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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