Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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