Already got asked if we're dating
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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