I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
