They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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