Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
