the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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