I'm drive I can fine osifer
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
