those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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