i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
