the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
